venting, reaching out, whatever...

Josh and I had a really sad conversation yesterday about how we have both seemed to default into the "I'm not going to think about Kenley too much so it doesn't hurt so bad" mode. I have had to come to this place where in order for me to truley put this adoption timeline in God's hands, I can't "think" about it. Don't get me wrong... I have NOT forgotten about my son. I think about Kenley all the time. I see his picture all over my house, his sweet little smile pops into my head, I picture what it will be like when he is home. I just can't dwell on the process, how long it is taking, how much longer it will take. It drives me crazy and I can't afford to go crazy right now!
We run into all kinds of people with all kinds of things to say. I try and remember what my personal knowledge on adoption was before we became adoptive parents so I don't get too aggitated with well-meaning folks. There is this amazing thing that God puts in the heart of a parent called LOVE. Honest to goodness there was no difference in the feelings I had when I held Mason in the hospital for the first time or when I traveled to Haiti and held Kenley in the orphanage for the first time. I did not "know" either of these children, but they were mine, given to me by my Heavenly Father. What difference does it make who they were born to? I was not born to a Jew and yet God adopted me into his eternal kingdom and I have never looked back. Think about that for a minute. We were chosen to be, not born into, a forever family with God as our daddy. Do you feel second rate to the Lord? I sure hope not!! Kenley's (and all the other ophan's) story is sad. They have birth parents that can not take care of them or have passed away. But God has worked all of that together for good for those who love Him. He has chosen a family for these children, a family that will love them as a child of God's. I guess I just need to understand that there are people who just don't see it that way. The good news is that Josh and I see it that way and Kenley will NEVER be a second class kid around here. He is my son as much as Mason is my son and I do love him just the same.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know there are some of you that "get it" because you have a heart for it and others of you that "get it" because you know firsthand what it is like to have a love in your heart for your adopted child. Either way I feel support on this blog and that's what I needed right now, to talk to some people that GET IT!