And We're Back!!

We made it home for our Haiti trip on Thursday morning... very, very, very early in the morning. It was such a great feeling to be home and give my sleeping Mason man a kiss. We missed him so much but he had tons of fun with Grandma.

Ok so about the trip. It was awesome and hard all at the same time. I think anyone who has gone to a 5th world country to "visit" thier 3 year old son and then had to leave them there a week later, would agree. Kenley looks great. He still has a little molluscum or whatever that stuff is called but it was no longer on his face, just one on his neck, one on his back, and a few on his legs. He was very shy the first day, he didn't really want to come to me when they dropped him off at the hotel. That was ok, mama and papa got right to work with the toys, food, and loving embraces and Kenley was smiling, laughing and playing by the next day.

Day 1: We got to the hotel around 2:00 and the kids were brought to us right away. We hung out at the hotel, swam and had dinner. Kenley let us hold him and feed him but no smiles or talking.

Day 2: Hotel day. Kenley started to pick up some toys we had brought and inspect them. Josh started goofing around and pretending to karate chop a big bouncy ball. Kenley tried really hard not to smile but papa is really goofy so he couldn't resist. That night we went with Linda and her family and a couple other adoptive parents up the mountain to Hotel Montana for a birthday party. Wow, what a beautiful place, great food and amazing view. We had a great time. Kenley fell asleep on the way home but then woke up and had a serious 2nd wind so we played for a hour in the room and then crashed.

Day 3: Hotel day again. Lots of swimming, playing in the room and eating. Kenley is fully opened up to us now, laughing and playing with us but only in the hotel room. When we are out by the pool or in the restaurant, he is very reserved and wont smile or talk at all. It really is two completley different kiddos. Very interesting...

Day 4: Kenley has to go back to the "O" so we can go to the U.S. Embassy and sign our I-600. Josh takes him down to the van and when he came back he said the Kenley didn't want to go and was crying out, "Mama, Mama". My heart breaks and I start to dread Wednesday when we have to say good-bye. Our signing went great, no hiccups. Now we wait for the "go-ahead" to schedule our birth parent interviews. We go back to the hotel and our kids are brought back to us. Kenley had been bathed, changed (clothes and everything) and had a grocery bag with him that had the clothes that we had him dressed in inside.

Day 5: Another group of people go to the Embassy to sign and when they got back we headed over to the "O". After a few minutes of travel I started telling Josh, "I didn't think we were this far from the orphanage." The guards with us all started talking to each other quickly and all I could understand was "cite soleil". My heart starts racing. I wasn't prepared to go there. Linda explained that we were going to go to the outskirts of cite soleil and to La saline (sp?) so that we could see where a lot of the kids at the "O" come from. It was devestating. I don't know how you could ever be the same person after seeing all of that suffering in person. I thought that the people we could see around the hotel were living in severe poverty. I still think they are but there is even another level of desperation and it is horrible. We made our way to the "O" and when we pulled up we say Kenley's birthmom waiting for us. We didn't know she would be there and had to pull ourselves together and prepare for this meeting for the 2nd time. Both of his birthparents were there and they brought one of his older brothers too. We had a great meeting. They are very happy that we are bringing Kenley into our family. They said they love us very much. We didn't find out anything new about them. They had lots of questions about how they will be able to contact us after we leave. They, unlike some other birthparents, are afraid of never, ever, ever seeing Kenley again. It is a very difficult and strange thing to sit down and speak to the birthparent of the child that you just want to be YOUR child. I know that sounds really selfish but we have loved Kenley for almost 2 years now and have anticipated the day that he will come home and be a part of our family and we think about all the things that our future with Kenley will bring. Meeting with his birth family is just a reminder of the pain and heartache of where he came from and why he can even be a part of our family. We hung out at the orphanage a while longer and played with some of the kids there. We got called in to Linda's office to get our update, she had just gotten off the phone with Kiki, the processor. "You're all done. You're finished with all the courts. All you have left is archives, passport, and visa." Music to my ears. I had a few questions but I could barely talk I was so emotional. Kenley is now legally ours. Praise the Lord. I still don't think it has set in. He has our last name, he is legally our son, oh my gosh, this is great news. Back to the hotel, dinner and play time. I have an emotional breakdown, tomorrow is the day that we leave. I start to feel guilty about coming. How is this fair to come here, get him to open up, call me mama, start hugging me and loving me and then leave him? What will he think about me and how will he ever trust me to stay in his life forever? Then I remember a post from Cate. They do remember and not in a negative way. Kenley is comfortable at the "O". He loves his nannys and that is the only way of life that he knows right now. I can't wait to get him out of there but he will be fine until I do. I rock him to sleep this night and cry, cry, cry as I look at his sweet little face. I will come back for you Kenley, I promise.

Day 6: Yuck! This trip went by too fast. I'm not ready to leave. The staff comes to get the kids at 9:30am. I can tell that Kenley can tell that something is going on. He is very clingy to me all morning. The van pulls up and the tears start to flow... again. Josh and I kiss him and tell him that we love him and that we are coming back. I HATE this. He doesn't want to get in the van so I hand him off to a teacher and he starts screaming for me. Yes, I am crying as I type this. The emotions are so raw. I miss him so much and there are no words to describe what I feel right now. It is more than pain, it's torment. I need to get into prayer and lean on the Lord right now. I can't do this on my own.

I will post picture soon. I didn't have my digital camera and a new friend on the trip let me borrow one of hers. She is sending me a disk with all the pics I took. It should be here soon.